How it feels when sadness strikes?

You wake up on the wrong side of the bed…
Do I really need to get up? 5 more minutes!
But the alarm rang 15 minutes ago and you turned it off!
Pfft!! Okay I will get up!
This daily struggle between your two selves: the positive fighter and the depressed exhausted.

I look grumpy as fuck while washing my face, brushing my teeth and thinking what I will wear, I should have prepared my cloches yesterday! What I will wear now! While thinking and distracted, I use the hand soap to wash my face instead of the facial …damn!
Like a zombie I head to the closet, I choose clothes I don’t usually like to wear, anything! I feel that such a mood doesn’t deserve better clothes…

I leave the house and I avoid people as much as I can because every breath they draw annoy me! I want them to disappear, to vanish! But they will not, I’m about to meet more people and deal with them…in this place where no one appreciates me, no one cares! I feel I’m no different than this chair or this table!
Why I didn’t leave yet? Why I’m stuck here? I wasted many years or I didn’t? I’m very good at my job or I’m not? Damn I feel so useless, so depressed with no purpose and no aim…

I should have quit, I should have been a lawyer or a judge…I was too weak, l shouldn’t have given up… maybe I don’t deserve to have a better life because I didn’t try harder! Yes I deserve this… to be miserable! Because I would have tried harder and never give up if I thought I deserve this…
A very big black cloud is obstructing all the light that is struggling to enter, to have my attention! But in vain…

Believe me it’s so hard when you start to whip yourself, to torture it and judge it in a horrible way….I gather all the bad things and moments in one inventory and I make sure to not miss a thing! And I’m a detail oriented! How great is that? Oh perfect! 🙂

I practice this so silently, discretely… no one must notice! Who cares about your drama?
And at work, oh you must wear this smiley face and clown mask the entire time …and when the sadness invaded you and it’s all over your face, you just pretend you have a terrible headache… best pretext ever!

I look at my watch probably ten times per minute…I count the minutes; I just want to go home I want to stop pretending I’m fine…
But what happened to these positive sentences and energy you give to your friends when they’re depressed? Aren’t you the strong, the fighter, the positive born?
I am! I’m trying! Bear with me, I’m fighting!
Again the struggle between your two selves…

On my way home, again, I avoid people’s looks and sometimes their whispers…The problem that I notice everything! It’s so tiring some days…

Suddenly I’m alone, my sadness turns into anger then to self-pity…then I fight, then I cry my eyes out, l try to count my blessings then I frown then I stop fighting and I sleep to shut off my brain and my heart!

Tomorrow is another day!

What your sad and depressed day looks like?

H.A – January 29th 2019

All pictures are from old library, don’t know the original owner or publisher except what is written on some pictures.

9 thoughts on “How it feels when sadness strikes?

  1. I’m loving how this post is so realistic.

    Depression has many forms. And it is a common thing for people to go through. There are some days when I feel sad, where I’m still smiling but there are tougher days when getting out of bed is such a chore.
    But what can we do right? We have to continue on with our day irregardless of what we feel. That’s the way it is.

    1. Yes it is so realistic because I’m just translating one sad day in writing…It’s exactly how it feels!
      Nothing to do as I ended it, tomorrow is another day! You pull yourself together and you move on 🙂 Thanks for reading and your valuable contribution as always 😀

  2. This is exactly how my sad/depressed day looks like.
    Though I’m not working as I’m still a student. But I can totally relate to this post😊

    1. Glad to know that someone gets sad / depressed the exact same way 🙂 Hope these days will be few though 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and for your interaction as well!

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